Spare a thought this week for those of your employees who are testing their powers of patience as they make their way through the grade school lines of girl boy segregation at Toronto’s Pearson airport en route to the US. This Greek tragedy in the making is of course full of comedic humour including my own tales of the crotch patting security on the 4th day of the year to the raising of the dress above the waist line in search of explosives deposits on this the 17th day of the year (more on that later but yes it was my dress as well). This year’s air travel for frequent flyers who are generally workers simply making their weekly commute to the office, wherever that might be, will be marked once again with new security rules, as well as unusual acts to foil security violations and attempted terrorist plots. While it is a serious situation I can’t help but find humour in the ridiculousness of the airline and security industries handling of this problem.
The sad news is of course that this will go on until the airline industry can jettison its way out of this proverbial flying circus. It’s no surprise that 2009 saw airliners lose a startling $11 billion. Each week I travel I see more and more reasons why; poor systems, processes and people performance from the moment you enter an airport until you de-board and exit at your final destination . Of course, I continue to look to leadership for both the exorbitant losses and the poorly performing systems, processes and people. Until today I would have been happy if United could simply fix their inability to connect my luggage with its next flight as I transit through Chicago each Friday night and find my bag does not, but today was the event that made me laugh the loudest so far and almost forget about my lost luggage. Admittedly, its only my fourth trip into the US this year so I’m sure there will be many more humorous events sad as they are, to come.
So if you will, please close your eyes for a moment and imagine my surprise as I stood in what I thought was the most practical of clothing to ease my efforts through security a few sundays ago: a jersey dress, no belt, no big jackets, the usual female underwear and a pair of winter tights……
“Madame please place your articles on the table” the young TSA (is that what they’re called in Canada?) employee requested. I complied raising my arms at both sides ready for my pat-down.
“That won’t be necessary” she said ever so softly. Oh, I thought, that’s a first. So I raised my foot behind me almost automatically steadying and ready for her to examine the soles of my shoes.
“That won’t be necessary” she once again said. The look on her face caused me to stop and await my instructions.
“Please raise your dress and place your hands into your pants and rub them around your waist then place them in front of you like this” she demonstrated holding her palms up on the table in front of her. Did I hear her correctly I thought as I looked more carefully into her eyes for confirmation that she was indeed serious. For a moment I wondered if this was in fact a new Reality TV Show or I was on a form of Candid Camera, but no, her expressionless face made it quite clear, she was waiting for me to once again comply.
As it registered to me that this was a serious request I couldn’t contain my surprise or my laugh. She was not amused. Here I stood alongside the several dozen other air travellers standing at tables with a two to one ratio of security to passenger, a man directly opposite me at the next table and one to my right, as well two women to my left, and I was being asked to raise my dress above my waist and put my hands into my tights and pants to provide her with evidence of the explosives I may have packed into my Marks & Spencers underwear, should there be any. Hmmm, I thought, might I have a profile that says I would wrap my buttocks in explosive underwear?? Perhaps, why else would I be in this situation. And so, what else can one do at this point, but comply.
There I stood, surrounded by people as I reefed up my dress to my midriff exposing not only my very practical winter nylons with the seams of the sewn in crotch they contained visible to all, but also my bare naked belly and the outline of my underwear, thighs, bottom and waist for all to see. I’m sure the man at the next table could spot the cellulite through my tights – clearly I’d not been complying with my exercise routine, damn it I now wish I had!
I guess it was at this point I wondered what country I was actually in, but more importantly, where were the full body scanners for surely they would make this experience less personal and certainly less exposing for me than the position I currently found myself in. All I needed now was the ever expectant pat down that if it were consistent with last week which thankfully it was not, would include a quick feel of my, well, read another of my blogs for that story, as they inspected my underwear up close to make doubly sure I was not wrapped in explosives. Incredible I thought, a brilliant way to start the work week, exposed! At this point, I also wondered what tales of the unexpected might my next journey bring given the slow but steady change in techniques I was now witness to each week.
And now back to the more serious. If your employees were travelling into the US these past few weeks, stop to see how much earlier they left their homes and families, how long they queued waiting ever so expectantly for their personal pat down and whether their luggage arrived given all must be checked at this point leaving them with little but the clothes on their backs if the unfortunate happens and they fly United and find themselves going through Chicago. Try not to find too much humour in their journey, because for them, it could bring them closer to the exit row of your company if they simply don’t want the hassle anymore, the most common conversation overheard as they snack on their quota of four little in a two by two inch packet and a coke.
Fortunately, I enjoy the stories these moments create, stories I can tell over a glass of wine with fellow frequent flyers while exchanging the various frequent club cards – thank you George Clooney – where are you when I’m up in the air?
Tags: Airport Security, Toronto Pearson International Airport, Toronto Security, US travel
